Awake at 3AM
by VioletHaze
Summary: Where are your thoughts when you're awake at 3 AM. Michael's are on a certain blonde UC
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: This story is the only thing that belongs to me. Everyone else belongs to people that aren't me. The song belongs the Smashing Pumpkins

I decided that there are not enough Michael/Tess fics out there so I decided to write my own, it's not great but the plot bunny wouldn't quit eating my brain. Hope someone out there enjoys it.

Please R&R I might do another one from her POV.

**Awake at 3AM**

I lie awake in bed I toss and turn, can't seem to get comfortable. It's pouring rain I glance at the clock, its 3 am. It's not the first time I haven't been able to sleep this week and it probably won't be the last. At least alone no one can ask me questions.

I can't lie in bed anymore, I wonder if some music might make it easier to sleep. Anything to distract me from my thoughts.

_I lie, I wait_

_I stop, I hesitate_

_I am, I breathe_

_I meant, I think of me_

God must have a sick sense of humor, for something like this to be playing now.

It makes me think of Maria, I think she's starting to suspect something isn't right with me, though I don't think she knows how long it's been this way. Every time she kisses me I feel like a jerk. She loves me so much, but I hesitate to move things further even though she's my girlfriend. Every time I touch her it feels like I'm cheating, I'm an ass.

_Is it any wonder I can't sleep?_

_All I have is all you gave to me._

_Is it any wonder I found peace through you?_

I guess if I really think about it, it started the moment I saw her. I felt it then, this pull I can't explain, this peace that settled over me. I had found a part of myself that day, a part of the home I had been searching for my entire life. It lived in her eyes. If I had been free then, I would have made her mine...Or maybe not she made it pretty clear from the beginning and it was not me.

_Turn to the gates of heaven_

_To myself be damned _

_Turn away from light_

_It's not enough, just a touch_

_It's not enough_

She hugged me the other day. It was innocent just a friendly thank you hug. But I can still feel it. The way her small arms wrapped around my waist and her head briefly touched my chest. I swear I thought my heart would stop. I couldn't, no wouldn't put my arms around her to hug her back. I was afraid of doing something stupid like never letting her go.

_I taste, I love_

_I come, I bleed enough_

_I hate, I'm not_

_I was, I want too much_

I saw her at prom; I had never seen her look more beautiful. Her blonde hair was shimmering under the lights of the dance floor. I wanted to dance with her. I wanted to hold her in my arms. I wanted to be the one to breathe her in, to caress her skin under the guise of a dance. Who knows maybe in that dance she would look in my eyes and fall in love with me. Yeah right...

_Is it any wonder I can't sleep?_

_All I have is all you gave to me_

_Is it any wonder I found peace through you_

I heard he kissed her that night. It's the moment she's been waiting for since I can remember. She's happy; I can let her be happy. I can be her friend; I can give her the peace that she gave me. Sure I can.

_Turn to the gates of heaven_

_To myself be damned _

_Turn away from light_

_It's not enough, just a touch_

_It's not enough_

I'm in love with my best friend's ex-wife, I'm screwed. The thought occurs to me that I'm starting to hate Max Evans. He takes for granted the things I wish for most in the world, and now the one girl I wanted more than anything he has. I guess it's my fault I had my chances when he pushed her away. I was too scared to do anything; she touches parts of me that no one ever has the darkest parts and is not afraid. And now all my chances are gone.

_It's not enough, just a touch_

I glance again at the clock it's 3:06 am, and someone's knocking on my door.

_It's not enough, just a touch_

She's standing outside my door soaking wet, her tears mixing with the water running down her face.

_It's not enough, just a touch_

I stand aside and let her in.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: This story is the only thing that belongs to me. Everyone else belongs to people that aren't me. The song belongs to Depeche Mode

I decided that there are not enough Michael/Tess fics out there so I decided to write my own, it's not great but the plot bunny wouldn't quit eating my brain. Hope someone out there enjoys it.

Please R&R I might do another one from her POV.

**Ch.2**

I stare at her, unbelieving for a moment that she's here. It's almost as if my subconscious conjured her up. She stands in my living room the floor is wet with the water dripping from her small frame. I offer her a towel, and ask her why she's here.

Max and Liz got back together tonight she tells me as more tears make their way down her cheeks. I want to grab her, hold her close and tell her that she doesn't need him, that she's always had me. But I don't, I just stand there, rooted to my spot by the door.

She's hurting right now; it's too soon to make any declarations of love. Especially from her true loves and I use this term loosely right now best friend.

Maxwell Evans is an idiot. I have never hated him more than right at this moment, looking at this beautiful broken woman. The one person who has always believed he could do anything, he took her love and devotion and threw it back in her face.

I'm trying so hard to be a friend and not think about the way her wet clothes are clinging to her body or that even wet and dripping she's still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my whole life. I want to kiss those petal colored trembling lips and drive away the sadness from her eyes. I want to spend forever keeping that sadness away. I want to peel her out of those wet clothes and spend the night with her warm in my bed, caressing her, making her feel loved and wanted.

Something must have shown on my face because she asks me what's wrong. I tell her nothing, just that I can't sleep. She walks toward the door apologizing for barging in on me so late that she'll go so I can get back to sleep. I manage to talk her into staying for a little while, anything to be close to her for just a while longer.

We sit and talk about everything and nothing at all. She tells me what it was like to grow up with Nasedo, and asks me about Hank, I don't tell her much. I don't want her pity. She talks about Max, holding in tears. How it was supposed to work, he was supposed to love her; he was the other piece of her and how we would save our world. Every word she says is like a knife to the heart, I don't trust myself to say a word without the hurt showing through. So I say nothing.

She's calling my name. She mistakes my silence for irritation. She apologizes again. I reassure her everything's fine. She looks at the clock its 4:30 in the morning. She says she needs to get back before Valenti sends out a search party for her. I tell her to come back anytime she needs to talk. She smiles at me and thanks me for being such a good friend.

I'm about to tell her how I feel, just blurting it out when she hugs me. I wrap my arms around her and hold her close. I hear in the distance

_All I ever wanted  
All I ever needed  
Is here in my arms  
_

_Words are very unnecessary  
They can only do harm_

Enjoy the silence

She steps out of my embrace, stands on her tiptoes and kisses my cheek. I open the door for her; I notice it's stopped raining. She thanks me for listening and walks out of my apartment, turns back to smile at me then disappears into the misty early morning.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: This story is the only thing that belongs to me. Everyone else belongs to people that aren't me. The song belongs to Something Corporate.

I decided that there are not enough Michael/Tess fics out there so I decided to write my own, it's not great but the plot bunny wouldn't quit eating my brain. Hope someone out there enjoys it.

Please R&R

To Donita and Sergeline77: Thank you so much for your encouragement! I'm glad someone out there likes what I'm writing!

**CH.3**

I walk into school this morning feeling as though I've been wrung out and hung on a like to dry. I see Tess standing in front of her locker staring at me. There's a look in her eyes I've never seen before. It's as if she can see through me, through all the crap I use to hide what I feel for her. She knows. She knows and she's not running away. Instead she walks toward me grabs my hand and pulls me into the eraser room. As soon as the doors shut I pull her to me and kiss the lips I've been dreaming of forever. She moans my name against my lips and her small hands start to roam my body. I caress ever part of her I can reach. She takes off my shirt and places her lips on my neck scorching my skin with kisses. I pull her back up to my lips and put every ounce of passion I feel in that kiss that hopefully will lead to more. I reach to pull off her shirt, when someone starts to pound on the door. I try to ignore the pounding but it keeps getting louder and I can hear someone calling my name.

I wake up in my own apartment, in my own bed, alone. Damn it! Its quiet I look at the clock 7:30AM, the pounding starts again I thought that was part of my dream. I can hear Max calling my name from the door. I open the door to find him, Isabel, Maria, Liz, and Kyle crowded on my porch looking upset. I ask them what the problem is.

Max tells me that no one has seen Tess since she went for a walk last night. She never came home. I should tell them that I saw her 3 hours ago. But all I can think of right now is that she's gone...

_If you ran to the end of the earth _

_I would catch you and you would be safe._

_If you fell down the well_

_I would bring you a rope and take all the pain. _

She's running. She has to be. God please let her be running. She never went back to Valenti's after she left. She left and there's no trace of her anywhere. I knew she was hurting last night; I should have made her stay. I should have told her everything. I should have told her I loved her, then I wouldn't be feeling like someone drop kicked me in the chest right now.

_All the pain, _

_All the pain. _

_That you hide from me every day._

_If you're missing I will run away_

_I will build a path to you_

_If you're missing I will run away _

_Because I find myself in you_

Before I realize what I'm doing I run out of my apartment. I hop on my bike and ride to the park. I search the whole park, and still turn up nothing. I go back and sit on her bench. I pray to whatever god is listening to me 

that she's safe and that our enemies don't have her. I swear that if she's safe, and we can bring her home, that I'll throw caution to the wind and tell her how I feel.

I see the others walking toward me. Maria looks upset, as does Max. But at this point I don't care. I don't care if they figure me out; all I care about is that she's ok.

Maria runs up to me and demands to know what's going on, why I ran out of there so fast. I don't know what to say. How do you tell someone you love that you don't love them the way that they want you to? How do you tell someone who loves you with everything they have that you're in love with someone else? Now add on the fact that the girl you're in love with still loves your best friend, and you have my screwed up existence. I do the only thing I can think of and tell her that I will talk to her about it later.

It seems its Max's turn to come over and ask. As if I'd give him a better answer than I gave Maria. I do however tell him that I did see her last night. He looks at me. There's a distinct question in his eyes. How? I tell him she stopped by my place at 3AM. He starts to glare at me, and asks me what she was doing at my place that early in the morning. I tell him to go to hell that it's his fault she was there in the first place. If he hadn't been such a selfish bastard she would still be here. If he had only told her the truth, she would be hurt, yes, but also here and safe. What truth? Max demands. I laugh at him, the kind of humorless laugh you give to morons. I tell him that she saw him and Liz on the balcony. He turns kind of pale, and I guess it would be funny if I wasn't so worried. I tell him she came over to talk about him and destiny. It's all I can do to keep from grinning I'm pretty sure I know where she is.

_If you're missing I will run away _

_I will build a path to you _

_If you're missing I will run away_

_Because I find myself in you._

I'm on my bike again racing down the path to the pod chamber. She's got to be there, please let her be there. I hide my bike from view and make my way up to the door; my heart is pounding with every step. I open the door and I don't see her, my heart starts to sink. I start to think that maybe she's gone for good.

_If you're missing I will run away_

_I will build a path to you _

_If you're missing I will run away_

Briefly I see a flash of gold in a small corner by the pods. My hopes soar. I run over and find her curled up asleep. I can see the tear tracks still on her face. I'm so relieved to find her that I grab her and just hold on.

_I will find you_

She's startled awake and starts to struggle, she must realize who am because she relaxes into my embrace. I burry my face in her hair, she still smells of rain.

I pull away and tell her never to do that again. She responds that what should it matter no one cares anyway, they would all be happy if she left. I tell her that I wouldn't, I would miss her.

She touches my face and smiles. My eyes drop to her lips then back up to her eyes, it's like gravity my face starts to inch closer to hers I can feel her breath on my lips as her face inches closer to mine. Our lips touch so lightly at first; I think I'm dreaming again. I pull her closer to me and deepen the kiss; she tastes like ginger cookies sweet and spicy at the same time.

_I will find you_

The flash took us by surprise; it seemed to shake her up. She stands there looking at me those ocean eyes of hers wide as saucers. She shakes her head then runs away.

_I will find you._


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: This story is the only thing that belongs to me. Everyone else belongs to people that aren't me. The song belongs to Tommy Lee and Andrew McMahon.

I decided that there are not enough Michael/Tess fics out there so I decided to write my own, it's not great but the plot bunny wouldn't quit eating my brain. Hope someone out there enjoys it.

Please R&R

**Ch. 4**

Well I'm lying here again, and this time the difference is that I'm not even attempting to sleep. It's been 5 days since I had the most wonderful experience of my life, and now I feel like I'll be lying in this bed listening to angsty love songs forever.

_I need you,_

_I need you so much._

_I need you,_

_Get me out of this place._

_I need you,_

_With the lightning this close I can see._

_That so much in this worlds make believe,_

_And this ticking clock isn't for me,_

_And still nobody knew,_

_I need you..._

She hates me, she's avoiding me. She's avoiding Max too so I feel at least a little better, but only slightly. I looked for her so we could talk but she has spent most days with Kyle and Isabel. It's not like I could talk to her there. What was I going to say? "Hey Tess can we talk in private about this kiss we shared in the chamber on Saturday?" Yeah that would have gone over real well.

So I'm back to pretending that I don't care. That I don't feel the burning glances she sends my way, when she thinks no one's looking. Pretending that _I _don't watch her when no one's looking. The way her eyes dance when she laughs, the way her nose scrunches when she's annoyed, or the way her lower lip trembles slightly when she's upset. She has a million expressions and I know them all.

_I need you,_

_In my blacker days._

_I need you,_

_With the walls coming down._

_I need you,_

_With this hole in my chest I can feel._

_That so much in this world isn't real._

_And there's some things that you cannot steal._

_Tell me what can I do?_

_I need you..._

I broke up with Maria. In the wake of the kiss, and the flash that came with it. I couldn't stay with her, it wasn't fair to anyone. She took it rather well I think. I need to remember to buy more dishes. I miss Tess; I miss her smiles they made my days brighter. I feel like a piece of me is missing.

_And the sun will rise,_

_In the jasmine sky._

_And I'd lie here awake in your bed._

_Sometimes I don't remember,_

_Why can't I forget?_

_I need you..._

My mind keeps going back to the flash. I've never had a complete memory before. It's always been feelings or a small flash of childhood, a memory of this lifetime. But this, it was unlike anything I had never seen or felt before. I'm not exactly sure what it was. It had to be from the past, of our past selves. I can see why Tess was spooked though, she was always taught that it was her and Max, Ava and Xan. They had the perfect love, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That flash knocked all that out of the water. It kind of scared me too but my body still aches with its intensity. I can close my eyes and feel her naked body soft and glowing under my hands, it felt like silk. Her hair was longer, tickling my chest like feathers. We kissed, we caressed, and we made love under the night sky. I can still hear my name on her lips as we went over the edge. I'm in trouble.

_I need you,_

_There's so much in this world that is true._

_No, not much I'm not willing to do._

_I cannot be without you,_

_I need you..._

I've loved this woman for two lifetimes, and I don't know what I would do to have her come to me like she did that night

_I need you..._

Lost in my thoughts I didn't hear my front door open or the person softly walking through my apartment.

_I need you..._

She standing there at my bedroom door, looking like the best dream of her I've ever had. For a moment I think I've fallen asleep and really am dreaming. She walks toward me.

_I need you..._

She climbs into the bed and I know I'm not dreaming. She looks me in the eyes 'I couldn't stay away.' She says to me right before I give into the sweetest kiss I've ever known.

_I need you..._


End file.
